its given unto man to die once and then judgement


back here after a long weekend ........... of mixed feelings
all thru my journey today n then since i hav been home n 'doing nothin or talkin to no one' i hav been lost in my thots..........includin what i write first, what my title will be and other stuff.
our journey on friday to my mom's was smooth tho i was a little 'piqued' by the driver n his irritatin drivin at some point.......blah de blah!!!!!
i spoke to my sister-from-another-mother.................we met at college n then ......long story......up until when she was leavin college her lecturers still asked after her "sister"........me.......cos we told a couple of them who asked that we were blood sisters n all
so we spoke n we laughed n we giggled n everything was right was fun was happy
she called me up the nexr morning before 8am twice i couldn't pick up n then had to call her back
then she says............my older brother had a car accident yesterday n now he's dead
really u know u want stuff to be repeated to u.............not cos ur deaf or hard of hearin..............but becos the stuff has to er...em .... register in ur brain!....hit the right spot in your brain......i had to ask again
and she said it..................my whole body shook with fear, shock, surprise, uncertainty.............it can't be they spoke we spoke everyone was FINE!!!! FINE!!!!!
but no not everyone was fine we jus seem to forget the hands of the clock change every second then every minute eventually every hour.........
we spoke later n i saw her today on my way back............he had spinal shock from the accident cos the car he was in was hit from the back where he sat......but he could hav made it, he could hav fought back, fought back for life.................she said he made it to the hospital, he even spoke to his dad
its stranger how certain things jus catch us unawares! i spent my day lost in my thots.......wonderin......as usaul.....and a little deeper
we were over at her place today,it was sad we jus had to talk about it n then about stuff that made us laff
i was pained i shook,i shook to my feet..........i'll look to my bible for help.To learn about those mysteries Proverbs 25:2
somehow i ask could it b my fault? WHY i ask, i don't know
i wish he could come back, i wish this was a nightmare that would go away when i wake up
......................and they talk about seun (her brother's name)and they say the corpse..............is that what they see now, is that what he has been reduced to?
yet again somehow i want answers, i want help, i want us to smile again, i want to return to the care-free nature.......................like sittin in a covertible car with the wind blowin in the other direction
...............not a surge of worry, not a shade of care...........
once again another beautiful one is dead!!!!!! was he too young?
my friend died on the 19th of march........he had a sickle cell disorder......2years now
it was my friend's (our friend.......we all went to college together) birthday on the 23rd, he died on the 26th................it will 3years on wednesday
dear seun rest in perfect peace.............20th june 1978 - 21st march 2008

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