rants of an IT fly girl

so much for rubbish!!!!...................but i saw it happenin i thot i had avoided the wrong places!! i fell down on the stair case almost as soon as i left the office cept for the contact lenses i got everyother thing i left early for i didn't even know if i was meant to b sad or laff at me i got up dusted my bum n all n kept walkin TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i had a really bad dream as far as i am concerned it involved me havin bipolar disorder!!! i had never come acroos the word.........so when i got up i kind of forgot and then the word 'bipolar' came to me so i checked on the internet and found out it is some kind of disorder also called manic depression!!!!! me!!??? hello!!!! manically depressed!!? WoT tHe FuCk!?! so what if i have high n low periods so does everyone else!!!! we all get sad n happy sometimes......that's what makes the world goes round!!!!!we need to b lonely sometimes.........helps one to 're-cap' Signs and symptoms of the depressive phase of bipolar disorder include: persistent feelings of sadness , anxiety , guilt , anger , isolation and/or hopelessness, disturbances in sleep and appetite , fatigue and loss of interest in usually enjoyed activities, problems concentrating, loneliness , self-loathing, apathy or indifference, depersonalization , loss of interest in sexual activity, shyness o

back here after a long weekend ........... of mixed feelings all thru my journey today n then since i hav been home n 'doing nothin or talkin to no one' i hav been lost in my thots..........includin what i write first, what my title will be and other stuff. our journey on friday to my mom's was smooth tho i was a little 'piqued' by the driver n his irritatin drivin at some point.......blah de blah!!!!! i spoke to my sister-from-another-mother.................we met at college n then ......long story......up until when she was leavin college her lecturers still asked after her "sister"........me.......cos we told a couple of them who asked that we were blood sisters n all so we spoke n we laughed n we giggled n everything was right was fun was happy she called me up the nexr morning before 8am twice i couldn't pick up n then had to call her back then she says............my older brother had a car accident yesterday n now he's dead really u know u wa

here i am again rantin myself away!! i spent most of my day being angry or in some mood or the other!!!! (i still wonder why people think i never frown or get angry!) right now i'm in my really cirsed mood and akun sent some warriors to capture samurai Jack.......thankfully they gav him his freedom......ok blah de blah!!!!! ok here goes my being stoic or whatever!!!!!! ok i'm mainly angry at myself for letting myself get carried away with 'this n that'.................i'm just angry and its more annoying cos i don't know how to get over it!!!!! i can't even seem to take it out conveniently on anyone!!! however did i get to become so angry like this!!!!!!! i even said my best-est poem a couple of times..........sheesh!! i'm still in my sour mood my day at work wasn't sooo bad; got to laff n all but then i just had the angry mood lurking around once i got all quiet ...................lucky i got to leave the office early and there's a long weekend.

it's rather stranger how i hav the urge to do a certain stuff i abhor!!! like totally hate!!! it's in my head somewhere, i hate this thing.......< i can spit at anyone i see doin this certain stuff > ......maar! sometimes i see myself doin wot i hate so bad its tweakish! freakky the human mind is sooo weird the scientists hav tried to understand it to no avail............. the question is " how do i hate something so much in the physical, i do it in the abstract? " it bothers me!! my peeps complain i hav so many dislikes and when i say "i don't like ...." the ask so wot really do u like? so i thot n came up with this long list of my actual likes; i like to hav fun.........keeps the heart younger:-)! i like my finger nails..............very helpful i like to draw.........it makes me happy i like to smile........its really satisfactory i like to drink coke............it is sooo not refreshin 'there's jus somethin about coke' i like to 

.....................i breathe ......... sigh!..............and thankfully say .............."it is over!!" yes it is happily................no'orrible words exchanged n all!!!!! i don't hav the stomach for that!!!! exchangin bad words.....curses n abuses...... rather uncouth! my mother didn't raise me that way! pssst! bless me Father for i hav sinned. i don't like it. its guilt is eating me up gradually. i hav asked for forgiveness, but i think i'm still holdin back........i hav fallen off the track.........its all dark n i can't seem to find my way back...............back to the right point.............i hav cheated.........i hav lied..........i hav done wrong......... i need some help! i am not ashamed to say it! becos i want the help! i'm thankful for the right way! saddly some people lost their lives and loved ones to a plane crash somewhere in the south east of our country................its so sad! :-(! May the bereaved be comforted, and ma

on my way from the car park to the office this mornin, i saw a guy with crutches i bet he jus broke his leg n is learnin to work again.....been there dunnit n i'm not particularly proud......ok i noticed he was without any footwear.....i hav heard of some phony sand therapeutic sturvingz but i jus kept wonderin and again i wanted to cross to the other side n giv him money for a pair of slippers.......euk!!! the road has witnessed all sorts n wot nots he shouldn't be bare feet on it maar! (but in afrikaans) if i did they'ld think i'm some bad person or something or the other geez!!!! i really wish i helped or could hav helped all the same i hav been told that i like pain........funny......but do i? i wonder!!! checked the meanin of pain "Pain is the conscious experience of sensorial information and a feeling of unpleasantness that can manifest as a result of nociception.The threshold of pain might have wide variation between individuals."Pain is whatever the ex

self pity is the skeleton key to self destruction!!!!!..................ok i jus made that up! i live by rules;to others they are too hard too many too stiff, rigid too unfair(to them) etc.... to me ............ they keep me goin on track well i'm a growin young girl......so..... i still break some rules,i get punished,i learn my lessons (some) i don't learn any lesson so i break again till i learn a lesson eventually thanks for the seen and the unseen rules and laws guidin our sojourn on this earth otherwise our mission will be futile!! tho i have the rules in place at times they hav to b bent to accomodate other people and other people's rules also.......... i'm also tryin to add new things to my "likes" list i hav to many dislikes n hates!!!!!! ........besides karma is one unseen law!!!! the halitosis guy at work .............. he could b a character in one of the cartoons i work on! pissed me off {tho he does everytime he opens his mouth, this was beyo

......as per my heading!......lol! i was re-readin old notes n i noticed i don't or didn't take my tym to edit my words n i have got a lot of wrong spellings n stuff that are sooo wrong n all. so here i am screamin at me to be less silly n more serious!!!! i hav found it so had to get this song......."in the end" by "linkin park" outta my head so right now i'm listen to it...them! ..... late again this mornin!!!!! geez they'll think i luv doin it ......not that i don't like comin here late cos really ...... but its not a habit of mine to b late for stuff...... well this tym twas my dad who caused it btw he was on n on about something called get away club! please do not referr to me as vain or proud becos of the next lines i'm about to put down jus that i hav to ......speak ..... i read one day,an article by some rich dude n he said some stuff .........tho i hav always thot about and supported some of the opinions he voiced out in the article.

i'm some what bored again!!!! ok kind of not actually!!!! my last few days(between now n the last tym i blogged haven't bein particularly boring tho) i'm just ......... something really has to be done in STALLION PLAZA!!!!! the lifts aka " trap of some sort " its bad geez and i thot the lift at work was BAD CLASSIFIED! well it happens to b ....( i am watchin "read it and weep" cool movie!!!! why do people ditch their real friends for popularity..................its rather stupid! i say!!) .............it happens to be the head office of a "big" bank........so i met a couple of the guys who handle more money than i do........ok way more money than i handle like now! lol!!!!! but their office ......the floors i went to.......is sooooooo choking the carpets, the clashing colours with the walls, the ceiling, the window blinds.....everything is so crappy the only thing they've got going for them is the view of the town..................omg!!!!!

iithis was one of those mornings i wished work was a thing of the past ...................i spent the sleepin tym of the night chatting! ...................chatting on the phone with the stranger i met last nite ..........while i ought to b takin a rest n rechargin my head for the morrow young lady tsk tsk tsk!!!! the things that suddenly get into me n make me spin n do the 'wot-nots' i'm at work at the moment, and my eyes don't feel like mine, my forehead on the other hand seems as though it was been liquified n some ripple effect is goin there in plain n simple words...................i'm in need for sleep my own NFS!!!!!!.............i'm pushin my day around water coke n tea!!!!!! otherwise ........... in the course of my typing...............had to go out for the bossss thankfully i slept thru out the journey.................all good things!!!!!......so i didn't mess myself by sleepin at work then! scenerio two; u walk out of your house,get to the bus s

aaaaagh!!!!! don't u just love to eat the wrong stuff sometimes................geez i was enjoyin all the pepper i had last night it skipped my mind what would happen in the mornin i thot i had it all covered before i left for work {i always seem to hav it all covered..........but it backfires!!} so took very milky cereal for breakfast..........................talk about badluck .................later my tummy was boiling over as in OVER!!!!! and my boss sent me out for the whole day honestly i didn't feel like being anywhere but home.................. slept all the way to the first place thankfully twas about an hour from work to the place then i was able to seat up but my head still hurts tho!!!!!!! I hav a huge allergy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its really crawlin on me like venom in spider man!!!!!! its STUPID questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm allergic to them "so what are we goin to do?????????" ..................thats an example!!!! that had better b rhetoric!!!!!!